Friendship 3

 I head off for a swim, feeling a little time pressured as I have to be in Disley at 10 am, so I need to get to Coombs for 815. My five minute drive to coombs turns into 45 minutes. It’s an absolute nightmare, gridlock, and I can’t even get out of it. I didn't know that it was because of a major accident that closed the main road.

at the same time. My doctors trying to ring me about something important.

Talk about feeling stressed !!!

When I get there, of course, I am late and they’ve all gone on ahead of me . When I see them, I am so relieved and shout out:

'I was stuck in a traffic jam, it was awful !!'

I need sympathy, empathy and warmth.

Instead a woman shushes me loudly!!

and when I say, but it was really awful she says abrasively : stop shouting

and I stand there in shock.

This was not the welcoming warm empathetic response I was anticipating. What is wrong with people?

I look at her stunned.

She says: look it’s a really peaceful place so stop shouting!

It Reminds me of all the meditators, I am have known who would tell someone whose arms have been cut off to stop crying, as it’s disturbing THEIR peace . Decades of watching such people be unkind to others, mostly self righteously, to strive for their peace.

No empathy. No kindness. No gentleness. No sympathy.

I’m so gobsmacked, but I’m finding it difficult to say anything, but the only thing I blurt out is:

 you’re being so bossy why are you being so bossy?

I wish I’d been able to say, why are you not being empathetic and kind and sympathetic

She says now Sarah stop this (maybe she was a primary school teacher before she retired, or one of those very bossy nurses)

I reply: stop this? !!

I’m distressed.

I start to get changed for swimming and eventually she says: please stop shouting. Is that better?

And I reply: yes, much better.!

Then they all get in the water without waiting for me , nobody else saying anything but that’s what it’s like. When people are around a bully they dont speak out for the victim or on the dog in case s/he turns on you.

And then the man shouts out how cold it is and makes a loud noise and I said joking:

you better not shout or you’ll be told to shut up!

Awkward abrasive woman (who I think is called Lisa) and has no idea how abrasive she sounds says :

that’s enough now Sarah you’re not welcome in this group.

You haven’t exactly been welcoming, I reply

So when I get in for a swim a few minutes later, I head off in the opposite direction.

When I get out, she makes a big scene of taking the group photo with her back to me so that I am excluded. I’d rather be excluded from a group where people are this unkind and abrasive.

Fortunately, a very nice woman called Maryna comes late to the party and doesn’t know that I’ve been ostracised and chats to me happily telling me that she was stuck in the most terrible traffic jam where there were two accidents, and of course I was sympathetic and kind

Playground dynamics or what?

Really why is this the norm these days?

I wonder if there’s something I don’t know like she feels this whole Combs swimming group is her group and that you have to kowtow to her and she is the leader and tells everybody what to do and I came in and was reprimanded .

Who knows? All I know is that she abrasively reprimanded me without caring about my distress.

Fortunately I have met a lovely woman called Michelle who will swim buddy with me on Friday and I can keep away from the abrasive woman.